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I’m All Alone: Bill in the Dominican Part II

March 20, 2013

I will probably go on spring break every year until I die. That’s not so I can party with all of the college kids (Though I did have a lot of fun doing that..) it’s because quite simply I despise winter. I hate winter with a deep burning passion, and by the time February/March rolls around, I’ll pretty much do anything to get out of Boston for a few days. Such is the case this year, except instead of travelling with my buddies, I’ve decided to take ma girl Colleen along for the adventure, and we have headed off to the Dominican Republic for 4 nights of paradise. Why the Dominican? I saw a “priced-to-sell” Groupon about a month ago for a resort in Puerto Plata, and being the financial moron (more on that below) I am, I bought it on the spot. So, we flew down to Santiago, about an hour outside of our resort, rented a car, and made our way to paradise for some much needed R&R.

Side Note: Apparently Garmin GPS systems don’t automatically work in foreign countries, just an FYI in case you were misled the same way I was. We had to make our way from one city to another with no map, which added quite a bit of adventure to the trip right off the bat. Fortunately I am conversational in broken Spanish, and was able to stop and ask for directions along the way, combine that with Colleen’s innate ability to spot street signs and we made it without incident.

Anyway, the residual effect of my departure is that Patrick is left on his own, I’ve abandoned my chef. No doubt he’s curled up in a ball eating stale bread and coffee grinds as we speak. I feel bad, but I’m NOT going to let it ruin my vacation! I will say, however, that the food offered at this place is pretty bland compared to what my beloved personal chef prepares on a nightly basis. “All-inclusive” buffets that are set up as troughs similar to what you might see for pigs on a farm are the norm here, at least for the general population. I expected this after paying next to nothing for the reservation.

After the first night, we are awoken by a lively gentleman who claims he is going to take us to breakfast. I wasn’t dumb, well I wasn’t THAT dumb, I knew this was going to be the Timeshare pitch that comes with such a cheap Caribbean vacation. I’ve been to this part of the world 7 times, I know what goes on. But, having paid SO little, I felt it was only right to indulge them. Before leaving, and knowing my own inadequacies, I say to Colleen, “Girl, don’t you let me buy a timeshare, promise me!” She did, and we were off.

Along the route we were treated to the VIP lifestyle, fantastic food, top-shelf liquor, and private beaches. It was pretty enticing. A whopping 4 hours later, I was sitting in the office engaged in a fierce negotiation to acquire a vacation club membership, while Colleen sat there with her Margarita, occasionally cutting in and reminding me I can’t afford the deal that I was working on. Long story short, I am the proud owner of a vacation club membership, for half of the original price (Don’t applaud my business acumen too much, I still bought the damn timeshare). Long-term financial detriment aside, once I signed on the dotted line, our vacation became much more luxurious. We were granted access to private beach parties, exclusive pools and beaches that the general population didn’t have. Perhaps most importantly, no more trough buffets. We had reservations made for us at the high-class restaurants on the resort each night, with food that (I hate to say it), far surpassed Patrick’s standard, if only for their access to top-notch ingredients. One night, just for fun, I had lobster AND filet mignon for dinner, all for free! (Note: It wasn’t free I spent thousands of dollars on a timeshare)

Colleen made a fantastic dinner date as well, and before we knew it, our lap of luxury had come to an end. As we made our way back to the Santiago airport with no directions and only the spanish-speaking locals to guide us, we both made a pact that we would soon return to the island. Now that I have this ‘club’ membership, the cost to do so is pretty small, and since I bought it, might as well use it right? Maybe next time, I’ll take Patrick too, so he can take a break from cooking and have an amazing meal made for HIM!

(Unrelated note: if you are looking to travel and want some cheap rates, hit up ya boi because I know a guy who can get deals).


To read Patrick’s side of the story, click here.

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