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Re: Why Does Patrick Hate Salads?

April 8, 2013

In response to Bill’s recent post let me start by saying I don’t actually hate salads, on the contrary I love salads, but since Bill decided to blow all his money in the Dominican I’ve been stuck with stretching minimal ingredients out over the week.  Due to this, making a salad is not a top priority of mine.

Here’s the thing…Bill has no sense of what goes together for meals, he just purchases random ingredients and lets me do the rest.  He also has an appetite that is only comparable to what I imagine a Sasquatch would consume, so I need to make sure, for my sanity, that each meal leaves him satisfied in order to ensure he doesn’t spend the rest of the evening whining.  Therefore, when he comes home with a head of iceberg lettuce, a cucumber, and some cherry tomatoes demanding a salad with an, “oil based vinaigrette” I re-purpose most of those ingredients into better, and more filling meal options.

Now, I despise when someone starts an essay or research paper with “According to Webster’s Dictionary…” but I really need you all to realize how clueless Bill is, so here goes nothing.  According to Webster’s Dictionary a vinaigrette is defined as, “a sauce made typically of oil, vinegar, and seasonings and used especially on salads.”  See people, even when Bill attempts to feign some sort of food based knowledge he either misses completely or, as in this situation, awkwardly points out the painfully obvious.

Even though I don’t make salads often, every now and again I’m forced to, solely for the purpose of quelling Bill’s constant whining.   Here’s a recent salad I threw together to bring the complaining to a halt.


-Mixed Greens


-Cherry Tomatoes


-Sautéed Chicken w/ Teriyaki Sauce


-Balsamic Vinaigrette

Thankfully the whining has stopped…for now.


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