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Blue Cheese is Stupid: An Editorial

June 11, 2013

Blue cheese is stupid. Blue cheese is that clown jock in high school who stole your girlfriend and 10 years later is bald and still hanging out in the high school parking lot. Blue cheese is the incompetent person at work who added nothing to a project but still gets their name on the same line with everyone else because it’s a “team.” Blue cheese is Papa Doc from the movie 8 Mile,  rapping about selling drugs and being in a gang when he went to private school and  in the immortal words of Eminem, “lives at home with both parents. And his parents have a real good marriage.” Blue cheese is the New York Jets, talks a bunch of trash but hasn’t come close to a Super Bowl in 40 years. You get the point?

Blue cheese is stupid.

I hate blue cheese. Maybe hate is a strong word, because I will eat it in a pinch. There are things I dislike much more. But if I’m ordering buffalo wings, and they assume blue cheese, no way buddy, I’m gettin’ ranch. Cheese is already made of mold or something, why do we need to add more mold on top of it. I just don’t get it. I say all of this to preface my story from the other night. It was a Friday night, and the Bruins were about to close out the Pittsburgh Penguins in a four-game sweep. Patrick texted me the following list of ingredients for a homemade buffalo chicken pizza that he planned to make from scratch for the game:

  • Chicken
  • Pizza Dough
  • Frank’s Hot Sauce
  • Tomato Sauce
  • Monterey Jack Cheese
  • Crumbled Blue Cheese

Notice that last ingredient? He wanted me to buy, as in spend money on, a container of “crumbled blue cheese.” When I went to the store, I did what anyone would do, I bought all of the ingredients except the blue cheese. It takes enough to get me to eat blue cheese, there is no way you are going to convince me to spend $3.49 on it. Anyway, when I returned home Patrick was infuriated that I didn’t get his beloved blue cheese, because as he says, “blue cheese is an essential ingredient to this meal.”

Let’s stop for a moment. Here is where I appeal to you, the level-headed fans of the Cooking For Bill Franchise. Blue cheese has never been an “essential” ingredient in anything. It’s always that stupid extra ingredient to add flavor, albeit a stupid flavor. In my opinion, omitting the blue cheese did nothing to the recipe except, well, make it better. Ultimately, the pizza that he made was exceptional! Probably the best buff chick pizza I’ve ever had. So I take full credit for how it turned out.

What do you think? I dare anyone to give one meal where blue cheese is “essential,” besides if you are just eating blue cheese straight from a container.

– Fin


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