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The Coconut Challenge: Patrick’s Cooking Failure

August 9, 2013

So about 2 months ago, I’m at the store, you know, shopping. And I get this idea. You see I had been making it too easy on young Patrick in the kitchen, getting him various meats and safe vegetables that allowed him to cook simple roasts and pasta dishes. He wasn’t growing enough and that was my fault, I needed to challenge him with the ingredients I was providing.

I consider myself somewhat of a visionary in the kitchen. Sure, I can’t cook, but I see the possibilities of future food, sort of like a wizard. No, not a wizard, that’s too strong, maybe a clairvoyant. Anyway, after deciding that I needed to kick Patrick into shape, I set out to find something that would throw a wrench in his “safe” approach.


As I turned my cart around into the produce section something caught my eye. It was a coconut, and not a sliced up coconut or a prepackaged one. No, no, no, this was a full on, just plucked from some Caribbean tree, hairy, hard as a rock coconut. PERFECT! I tossed the gross looking creature into the cart and headed home.

When I arrived home I laid out my acquisitions on the kitchen floor as I always do. Then, like a dog seeing his owner go for the treats, Patrick scampered over and started rummaging through the goodies. When he pulled out the coconut, he  looked up at me, puzzled, and said, “What the hell is this?” Not in a way like he didn’t know what it was, but in a way that he didn’t know why I had purchased it. “It’s a coconut Patrick, figure something out to do with it.”

“Ok… I’ll see what I can do,” he responded.

The coconut still sits on our counter, probably rotten and decaying, but since it already looks that way anyway I have no idea how to tell.

– Fin


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